Family Gap Year Post #4: A List of Destinations
Matt is fully onboard with the idea of a Family Gap Year now that he sees that I am fully willing to take on the bulk of planning. I don’t mind! I love planning. He does the laundry and empties the dishwasher every week; I have to balance it out somehow.
We whittled down the original list of destinations to a narrower one. Then I created a new tab within the Master Google Sheet called, “Weather.” As you can see in the image above, I listed our top destinations down the Y-axis and the months of the year across the X-axis. I googled each country and tried to identify the “best” times of year to travel there. The “best” times were generally just before or after peak season, but there were times when I just completely ignored what the internet said and made my own determination. For example, I really want to stay warm during the trip, which is why I hope we can get to the Scandinavian countries during July or August, regardless of how busy it is.
Once I saw everything in this format, I was then able to piece together a trip that makes some sense in terms of directionality around the world:
- June 2020 = Ireland
- July 2020 = France (Matt is photographing a friend’s wedding this month) + a week in Switzerland to visit one of Matt’s friends who teaches at a boarding school
- August 2020 = Norway
- September 2020 = Italy
- October 2020 = Croatia
- November 2020 = South Africa
- December 2020 = Thailand
- January 2021 = Australia
- February 2021 = New Zealand
- March 2021 = Hawaii
- April 2021 = Costa Rica
- May 2021 = Pacific Northwest
It means we won’t get to some places I really wanted to get to (e.g., Bali and Japan), but this is starting to feel like a good/exciting list!
There’s still a lot going on at my work that makes it unclear about whether or not I can work remotely for a year. However, I need to keep moving forward with planning in case we are able to pull it off. We will need to be ready to pull it off.
15 Comments
mamaschlick
Hi Sara. This is so exciting! I still do not understand how you manage so much time to plan. After dealing with cooking, laundry, homework, day jobs, tidying up, going to various activities etc etc I find very little time to plan! Please … share any tips you have. You are obviously more disciplined than I am, but even aside from that, I have so little time for myself and planning. And I only have one kid!
Admirably,
MamaS
Sara Cotner
Hey there! You know how there’s a lot of talk about the “invisible work” that women take on in a family? I make sure to make that work 100% transparent. Then Matt and I look at the total list of things that need to get done and divide it in half. (It’s a little different now that Matt is a stay-at-home dad, but I’m describing what we were doing just 1-2 months ago). So that meant that Matt was doing more domestic chores (like laundry, loading/emptying the dishwasher, etc.) because I was doing things like staying on top of birthday invitations, paying the bills, planning the vacations, making doctor appointments, ordering gifts, etc. We also don’t do a lot of extracurricular activities (only scouts). Further, I order my groceries online and have them delivered to my house and I buy everything off Amazon (which makes me feel terrible but it helps me keep my head above water). And, I love planning! Like it’s a hobby for me. So exploring places, searching for AirBnbs—it all feels fun to me and I like doing it in my free time. One last thing: I make sure I get free time every Saturday morning. Matt takes the boys (to the library, to the Home Depot kid activity, to target to play video games, etc.). Matt gets free time on Sunday mornings. I hope this helps a little!
Natasha
New Zealander here. If there’s anything you’d like to pick my brains about, feel free!
Sara Cotner
Natasha! Where in New Zealand are you? We are thinking about staying in Stanmore Bay, then doing a road trip to places like Rotorua, Wellington, and Christchurch. Let me know if you are anywhere near those places. I would love to connect!
mamaschlick
Sara, thank you for your response. It does make sense, but I think my life set up is quite different. My husband does: dishes, trash, grocery shopping, most bills, car stuff, breakfasts during the week, home fix it projects, any electronic or media stuff that needs doing, and vacuuming. When I list it, it seems like a lot. But I do all planning, cooking, and the invisible work (securing babysitters, birthdays, family stuff, organizing). My issue is he is TERRIBLE at planning and it gives him great anxiety. He has some challenges beyond his control for some of this and is just not willing/afraid to really work at tools to improve. He is a teacher during the day and a great one–but it takes everything out of him to stay focused and organized at his job. I wish he would work on himself, but the reality is, he tries really hard and simply does not have the capacity to improve his planning skills at this time. SO…any tips now? I think I take on too much and people tell me to “let things go” but I really enjoy so many things. I take pride in cooking good healthy meals, so I have trouble cutting corners for that. If I get free time I am usually researching things on the computers like books for my son, resources, events we can do, catching up on work etc. I think my challenge is commitment. I have a lot of trouble committing. But in large part, I have trouble making and finding time to sit and plan, and always second guess myself when I do plan something. We talked about this a bit regarding planning family vacations–your advice was there can always be another trip, and I think it was good advice. If you some clear glaring suggestion given what I describe above, let me know. Or any readers can pipe in too for that matter! I am open to any suggestions!
Sara Cotner
Sorry for my delay in responding, mamaschlick! I’m not entirely clear what your most salient problem is. How would you define what your goal is and what is most holding you back from reaching it?
Katie
I didn’t realize US Passport holders can now spend longer than 90 days in the Schegen zone in a 180 day period :-). I am a dual national and never thought about it until a boyfriend and I went backpacking when we were in college, it kind of ruined our trip because he couldn’t stay as long as I could—even though 90 days is a long time!
Sara Cotner
Oh, wow! What a story, Katie! I was still under the impression that we could only do 90 days. I didn’t realize it until after I mapped out the destinations, though. Luckily, we only have 86 days in the zone!
Laura
Sounds like an amazing trip! I am connected with a community of travelling families that you might be interested in. They do a yearly conference called Family Adventure Summit. This year it is in British Columbia.
Looking at your list, my one thought is that you may want to slow down a bit more and spend longer in a few destinations where your visas will allow it. You will have jetlag, exhausting travel days, language barriers, culture shock… It will be tough to continue working while maintaining that pace!
Sara Cotner
Hi, Laura! I started reading a book about a traveling family that spends 3 months in each country. It kind of makes me wish we were spending longer in a single location! But I can also imagine myself feeling stuck if a particular place doesn’t click with us, and I’m eager to see a variety of countries across the year.
Laura Ajayi
Sara – I hear you on not wanting to feel stuck. It is definitely a risk.
We have not done a gap year with our kids, but we have done shorter international trips (4-7 weeks at a time). Recently, we travelled to Southeast Asia and found that we just had too many ‘moves.’ For us, it takes a good week or so to get settled in a new place. My partner works remotely, part-time, while we travel, and that first week it is very hard for him to get any work done. The jetlag is hard on everyone, and working in a different time zone than colleagues can be exhausting (lots of late nights or early mornings). Constant change and cultural learning is exhausting. Changing climates is exhausting. Making friends for the kids (and adults) is very tough in such a short time. It all takes an enormous amount of energy!
On our last trip, for example, we were in Indonesia for one month. During that time we had a rabies scare that caused enormous stress and multiple hospital visits over a number of days, and our children both had a bad fever that kept them in bed for nearly a week. Needless to say, a lot of our plans for that month went out the window and a lot of the things we did manage to do were tainted by stress and illness. (From Indonesia, we flew to Thailand, where we had lots of fun, but also faced stomach trouble… there are just SO many disruptions in family travel!)
At the same time, I know there are plenty of families who go at the pace you are planning, and you certainly seem to have a lot of energy. 🙂
Sara Cotner
Thank you for sharing, Laura! So many families seem to spend even less than one month in a given place. It’s fascinating to me! A couple years ago, we traveled to Australia for three weeks. We did two weeks in Bangalow and one week in Brisbane. Reflecting on that experience, a month in a single place seems like it might be just right for us (unless we face the kinds of obstacles you are describing!). Random side note: My favorite trick for tackling jet lag is to arrive at the new place in the afternoon and stay away until approximately 8pm (for adults). Under no circumstances do I let myself nap! Then I go to sleep and sleep 11-12 hours. I usually feel pretty good in the morning! I’m farther along in the book I’m reading. The family had an amazing experience in New Zealand (which made me wish we were staying places longer) and then had a lackluster experience in the Netherlands, which made me thankful for the one-month plan! I think it’s just all going to depend on whether we have picked the right neighborhood and whether we get connected to people or not. We’ll see!
Mamaschlick
Wow. I was so whiny in my post-must’ve been having a moment. Sorry! To answer your question, my goal is to plan out who does what and when but my problem is my husband is not capable of this (he has some ADD challenges and has trouble planning). As a result, I’m trying to do the planning, like you, but realizing I’m not good at it either. Mainly I worry I’m not choosing the best thing, or just feel so burdened by the day to day that I do not prioritize planning. I love the idea but can’t seem to just DO it!
As for your travel– I agree you should visit fewer countries. It is so exhausting and if one person gets sick, all your plans fall apart and basically you don’t experience that country. Yes, it has happened to us. From the things you really seem to love doing–shopping at markets, walking, hanging out, getting into the vibe of the place– I think a slower pace suits you. It’s also hard on kids who have trouble with transition to keep switching. I know this goes against your plan but is exploring a region (Scandinavia, eastern Europe, South America, or Asia etc) out of the question? That way you could visit a bunch of geographically close but very different places and come out of the year feeling you really got to know a region of the world. Or maybe 2? But, I do totally get the excitement of so many new places. I just worry that a month flies by and 12 countries in 12 months is a LOT! You would really need two years for that in my opinion! It sounds exciting now, but with delays and transportation issues, illness, etc you might really get less time than you think. Ok, just food for thought. Whatever you choose, this is amazing!!!
Sara Cotner
You crack me up, Mamaschlick! I didn’t find your post whiny. I was just trying to fully understand the issue so I could give you advice aligned with the underlying issue!
As a planner, I liberate myself by knowing that there is always another opportunity to take a trip or go on an adventure (knock on wood) so any one trip or adventure doesn’t have to be perfect. And even if it’s an epic failure (we’ve definitely had those!), then we will at least walk away with a hilarious story.
The points that you and Laura raise resonate with me. If we get somewhere and really connect with local people and feel happy in the AirBnB that we picked and the neighborhood we are in, then it would be fun to stay longer than a month. The problem is that I have no way of predicting how connected we will be. So the alternative would be not to plan in advance–to just get somewhere and see how we like it, but that would drive me crazy! I am calmer and more courageous when there is a plan. I also think we will be able to find better and more affordable housing by planning in advance. And once we get somewhere, I want to spend my time immersing myself in the experience instead of planning ahead for the next experience. The trip is shaping up to be largely one month in each place. Some of the more expensive places for AirBnBs are 3 weeks (like Costa Rica and Hawaii), and some of the places we are most excited to see (like New Zealand) are longer. We’ll see how it goes!
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