Healing Ourselves: Taking Matters into Our Own Hands

Where were you when the Challenger space shuttle blew up? When terrorists took down the World Trade Center? In March 2020 when the COVID-19 lockdowns started?

The collective trauma we are all going through because of a worldwide health pandemic is real. The important question now is: What will it take to start healing ourselves?

Of course the situation is much worse for some than others. But—honestly—trauma doesn’t work that way. You can’t dismiss your own trauma by having gratitude that it’s not as bad as someone else’s trauma. Trauma is trauma, and it takes a toll on our brains and our bodies—as well as our emotional responses. And once something impacts our brains, our bodies, and how we respond to others, then it absolutely impacts our connections to and relationships with others. Not to mention our relationship to our selves.

And once something impacts your relationships with others and our selves, then it’s impacting our entire Life as We Know It.

I won’t spend too much time in this post talking about the trauma we are experiencing. I’ve talked about it here and here and frequently mention it in my weekly newsletter.

In this post, I want to talk specifically about how no one is coming to save us. No one is coming to heal us. If we are going to get through this collective trauma, we are going to have to start focusing on healing ourselves (and supporting those around us with their own healing journeys).

The government isn’t coming to save us. Our employers aren’t going to save us. And, at this point, there’s no magical ending to COVID that will erase the trauma we have been through.

Many of us are counting down the days until we vaccinate our children. And the act of vaccinating our children WILL restore a lot of normalcy for us.

But it won’t heal the trauma we have been through. Getting to the end of a hard situation doesn’t heal you from the difficulty you experienced while going through it.

But please keep in mind: I’m no expert in how to do this. And what works for me is NOT the same thing that will work for you. We are all uniquely, beautifully different. And what makes us happy and whole—what fills us up and restores us—is not always the same.

But here’s what it’s looking like for me, in case it’s helpful to anyone. And I would love for others to chime in with a comment to share what it looks like for them!

Healing Ourselves: Therapy & Leadership Coaching

First, my continued work with my therapist and my leadership coach has been instrumental in contextualizing my experience in a broader situation. They have helped me understand that I’m not alone in my struggles right now. They are both working with a ton of other people who are struggling! And the very act of meeting with someone on a bi-weekly basis to reflect on how you’re doing is so, so powerful. If you’re not in therapy and you are thinking you might want to get it going, please make it your number one priority to get it going. It’s so, so hard to find the right person and it can take several tries, but it’s very worth it.

Reiki & Acupuncture

I’ve talked about these additions before, so I don’t want to be too redundant. But getting into “alternative” therapies (every other week) has really helped calm my nervous system and reduce my stress.

Nutritious Eating & Sufficient Hydration

I’ve talked a lot about this one, too. I’m trying a lot harder to eat more vegetables and more protein. I’m trying to stay within a certain calorie range to prevent myself from gaining 1-2 pounds per year during perimenopause.

Exercise

This strategy is my most difficult and most dreaded, but I’m doing it. And even though my body hates it, my mind knows it’s better for my mental health.

Sleep

I fight like heck to keep myself on a sleep schedule. It’s so tempting to stay up late after the kids are asleep in their rooms, but sleep is one of the most important gifts we can give ourselves.

Healing Ourselves Through Emotional Work

Back in the Spring, I worked through this free ecourse to help me process the trauma of the pandemic. I’m not naturally good at naming my emotions and working through them. I’m not good at releasing things. Instead, I tend to put them into a trauma capsule and move forward like nothing’s wrong.

Prioritizing Community

I need to have my people close and have fun, interesting things to look forward to. That’s why I have filled my Fall with these kinds of experiences: Halloween party, Friendsgiving, Fondue Fun.

Working Ahead

But I can’t have any of those things feel stressful. So I’m working WAY ahead. I do a little bit at a time, but I’m doing it way in advance. I already have the groceries for our Halloween Party and Friendsgiving inside lists in my grocery app. The pretty paper plates are sitting in our pantry. I’ve purchased several holiday gifts and have already wrapped them. I got started on our holiday card and plan to have it designed and printed by the end of October so I can spend November addressing them and mail them at the beginning of December. (It’s also TOTALLY okay if you say eff it to the holiday card tradition! See point below…)

Taking Shortcuts Wherever I Can

I fit in these things off my to-do list by freeing up time in other areas. My weekly meal-planning process takes less than 5 minutes. I don’t usually spend more than 20 minutes making dinner each night. One of my kids eats the free school lunch, even though it doesn’t meet my nutrition standards. I don’t wear makeup. I wash my hair only two times a week. My hairdryer never comes out of the drawer. I basically have five outfits I rotate through so the only thought going through my mind when I get dressed is, “What’s clean?”

We infrequently clean our toilets or tubs or sinks or mirrors. (It’s not ideal, but it’s fine for the stage of life we are in. If we could afford a housecleaner, we would totally do it!) My kids don’t do a lot of after school activities. We don’t say yes to social obligations unless we truly want to do them. We don’t spend time taking care of elaborate landscaping. I give my children more screen time than I think is healthy for them because I need the break (~1-2 hours each night + ~4 hours each weekend day). We don’t do things that other families do (like annual family photos) unless it’s something that brings us joy.

I’m sure there are others I’m not thinking of!

And I make sure to balance everything with my partner. I make sure to count all the “invisible” work I do like staying on top of medical appointments and planning vacations. Matt picks up our groceries, he gets the kids ready for school in the morning and picks them up from school. He’s the one responsible for doing the laundry and cleaning the house, since I work full-time and our kids are in full-time school.

Healing Ourselves: The Responsibility Is Ours

I didn’t mean to rehash all of the strategies I’m doing. The point of this post isn’t to share my strategies—again. It’s to hopefully inspire introspection and action.

• Are you acknowledging the trauma we have all been through, even if you have been more fortunate than others?
• Are you actively making time and space to heal yourself?
• Is it working? What do you want to celebrate?
• What do you want to do more of to support yourself?
• Are you supporting others on their healing journeys as well?

I don’t share all of this messaging to stop us from dismantling the systems that traumatize people in the first place. I spend every work day (and many weekends, too) thinking about how to reimagine education to build a more just world for all. But if we don’t heal ourselves, we can’t keep showing up for this kind of work.

As cheesy as it sounds, we are all in this together. I’m thinking about you and wishing you well!