Fear of Not Ovulating
I’ve suffered from hypochondria for as long as I can remember. When I was in 7th grade, I thought I had prostate cancer because I read a magazine ad that asked, “Do you suffer from frequent urination? Do you take a while to start urinating?”
So part of me hopes that my fears about not ovulating are connected to my personal history of paranoia and not to actual medical fact. I’ve been peeing on ovulation test strips every day for this entire cycle, hoping that the test line will get darker than the control line. It’s a nerve-racking process, although I guess it’s good preparation for peeing on pregnancy test strips!
According to my calculations, today is the day I’m supposed to ovulate (although it’s kind of hard to predict, since my cycle is so irregular). I did pee into my cup and dip my test strip in, even though we were at a campsite in Big Bend. How’s that for dedication?
The control line and the test line actually appeared to be the same color, but it was hard to tell if the test was accurate, due to the f-r-e-e-z-i-n-g temperatures. I’m sure the test strips were stored below their optimal temperature (in a bear box, no less!). I should repeat the test right now, since we’re settled into a comfortable B&B in Marfa.
My goal is to make this process a normal part of my day, so it doesn’t feel stressful or annoying. Ideally, we would do what doctors recommend and just have sex every 2-3 days, but since I’m already 32, I think it makes sense to be a little more strategic with the process.
5 Comments
Sharpiegirl
Here's to a nice dark line!
maurahanlon
Thanks for sharing your journey with us, Sarah. I so identify with all you've been talking about. We've been officially trying for 9 months now (unofficially…as in no bc…for 18 months). I don't seem to ovulate consistently but I also feel like I've always feared that, so maybe it's a self-fufilling prophecy. It's so so hard to let go of controlling this process. We're giving it another month or so, and then turning to possibly clomid. (I've been seeing an accupuncturist for the past 6 months with no luck on ovulation…or maybe what she was doing messed up my ovulation. Hard to tell.) Your right to concentrate on the stress part…but it's hard to do! When you try not to think about it, you think about it! Anyway, enough rambling, but I'm routing for you! Thanks for sharing this with us! The articles and thoughts are great.
saracotner
@ Carla: Thank you!
@ maurahanlon: I'm routing for you, too!
Laila
when we first started trying was around the same time that i was due for a physical. i have to say, my doctor was SO helpful in making me not stress about it. its hard to remember that it takes an average of 9 months (and that's only an average, how long does it usually take for women in their 30s or later?); it seems we are bombarded with media images of folks who get pregnant just by glancing at their beloved. anyway, i'm also trying to get used to testing for ovulation everyday; so thanks for sharing your experience, its good to hear we're not alone. and here's to that smiley face appearing soon!
Moxie
I hope to hear your good news soon!
Just wanted to share this book in case you haven't already heard…. http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Achievement/dp/0060950536
It truly enlightened me about my own body, and should be a must-read for any woman. There's a chapter titled "Pregnancy Achievement" that may help you with timing, but the whole book is full of good information.