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Possible Miscarriage?

August 2, 2010 / 43 Comments

As I was getting ready for bed last night, I realized that I was bleeding. Earlier that day, I had been reading about how miscarriages usually start with bleeding and are then followed by cramping (I thought it would be the other way around). The book said I should call my healthcare provider immediately if I noticed any blood.      

I told Matt that I might be having a miscarriage and that I should just go to bed and rest (it was past midnight where my midwife was). I assured him that there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.      

I’ve really been cultivating the ability to contribute to the best “inputs” possible and then relinquish control of the “outputs.” For example, through the whole conception process, I did as much as I could to prepare my body, mind, and life for pregnancy, and then I left everything else to the universe, understanding that I couldn’t control when conception would actually occur.      

It’s the same with pregnancy. I can get sufficient rest, take my vitamins, exercise, feed myself, and relax, but I can’t do much more beyond that to control the “output” of the pregnancy. I can’t stop a miscarriage.      

I’m supposing these are valuable lessons to learn for parenthood, too. We can control the inputs (the kind of loving, supportive, nurturing environment we create for our children), but we can’t control who our children grow up to be.      

I was doing okay as I lay in bed. Then Matt started to shake with tears. So I, too, cried as I fell asleep.

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