Be Daring Project
How about:
There are more than 4,000 private Montessori schools in our country and only 200 hundred public ones. And yet several members of the creative elite attribute their success to their Montessori backgrounds, such as the founders of Google, Amazon, Wikipedia. The quality of our educational experiences should not be determined by our parents’ incomes. I’m Sara Cotner, class of 1999. I dare to create public Montessori charter schools nationwide.
What do you think? What revisions do you think I should make?
And what kind of background should I stand in front of? I don’t exactly have access to a Montessori classroom right now. Perhaps a playground? But that doesn’t really represent Montessori either. Maybe a garden?
Perhaps I should hold up little signs as I speak? Like:
- 4,000 dots on one paper and 200 dots on another (which would represent private schools versus public in the U.S.)
- And pictures of the people I mentioned, collaged onto one sheet?
- A sign of the URL of the non-profit organization I’m going to start?
Hm…the signs seem like a lot of work, especially since this isn’t a contest or anything. But then again, what if some rich alum sees the video, gets inspired, and wants to give us a seed grant?
Maybe it’s worth it. How could I easily make 4,000 dots on one 8.5 x 11 sheet?
And, oops, it’s longer than 15 seconds. Like 24 seconds. I even went back and trimmed out some words. Help!
Just trimmed out a few more words. Down to 22 seconds, but I’m talking really fast. Oh well; they didn’t say it had to be 15 seconds or less.
6 Comments
Annalisa
make your statement as a voice over?
Roxanne
You could probably print out the dots using something simple like paint, and maybe also print just the logo for Google, Amazon and Wikipedia.
And 22 seconds is around 15 seconds.
Allyn
I would minimize the sentence about the creative elites. I think you can just tag on to the end of the previous sentence that the founders of google, amazon and wikipedia were motnessori trained. That could cut at least a few seconds. The voiceover suggestion is a good one, but I think it would make the video less personal. The graph is a good idea, especially if you did it on one page. You wouldn't even have to do dots. You could do a pie chart, which is easy enough (okay, it would take me five minutes and I would be willing to throw that together for you). Or you could just do a full page of one color (say blue) representing the private montessori schools and a rectangle in the middle in another color (say yellow) showing how few public montessori schools there are. One sheet will be easier to handle than two while you're talking
Anonymous
Can you say "public montessori schools"? When I first read your draft I thought you were saying there were only 200 public schools. Period. And then I realized you were saying 200 public montessori schools.
kathy
I like the pie chart idea- I think that may be easier to see in a quick video than a bunch of dots.
What about using Henry's room? It sounds like a Montessori-themed space. But a garden sounds like a good backdrop too.
Catherine
Try this for the second sentence:
Yet the founders of Google, Amazon, and Wikipedia credit their success to their Montessori backgrounds.
Same thing, less words.