Play Therapy at Home

Back in November, I was on an education conference panel with a therapist from Dallas, Stan Ferguson. In between sessions, I quickly mentioned the struggles that our oldest child has with self-regulation, and Stan recommended that I try a therapy technique at home called “Special Playtimes.” I bought his book, What Parents Need to Know about Children, to learn more about it.

The gist is that you set aside designated time to play with your child (about 30 minutes per week), provide a specific set of toys for use just during Special Playtime, and then follow along as they direct the play. You don’t praise, criticize, ask guiding questions, let the session get interrupted, provide unnecessary instructions, or instigate new types of play. You simply respond to what they are choosing to do—being careful not to be too passive or quiet.

I’ve done it a couple times with both children (separately), and they both really like it (ages 5.5 and 8). I think the separate set of toys keeps it special, as well as the one-on-one time with Mom.

I told my therapist about it and he thought it was a terrible idea. He thought I should instead be inviting my children to do things with me that I really enjoy doing, so that I’m bringing my best self to our interactions: board games, art activities, etc.

Matt told Henry’s therapist about it, and she loved the idea. When I told my therapist that the other therapist liked the idea, he said, “That makes sense since she’s trying to protect Henry and I’m trying to protect you.”

The way I see it, I think a balance is good. I think it makes sense for me to use Special Playtime when there’s something going on in our lives (like Henry struggling or like the recent death in our family). Then there’s also when I just insert myself into their play, following along and participating in a very responsive (non-directive) way. And then there’s the type of play my therapist mentioned where I suggest an activity that I really want to do and invite my children to join me.

I think all of these make sense for our family (as well as plenty of self-care time when I’m not even around my children!).

If you’re interested in trying it out, here are a list of materials that are recommended (with links to the specific things we purchased):

• Play dough(with this pad as a work space)
• Crayons
• Drawing Paper
• Scissors
• Plastic baby bottle
• Dart gun
• Doll family
• Doll house furniture: this and this
• Toy doctor kit
• Small plastic cars
• 10-15 soldiers
• Lone ranger type mask
• Lego-type blocks
• Play money
• Piece of rope