School Year Routines: Best Year Yet
School starts this week for my boys. Henry is going into 3rd grade, and Tate is going into 1st. Whenever there are new transitions, I like to step back and reflect on how life is going and see if there are any adjustments I want to make. Specifically, I’m thinking about our school year routines and whether there are any tweaks that will make life feel more joyful, smooth, fun. Parenting is hard for me, Y’all!
School Year Routines: Morning
Matt is in charge of the morning routine. I’ll have to talk with him about what changes he would like to see, if any. From my perspective, the only thing I can think of is making sure the boys have a healthier breakfast. Right now, Matt is feeding them things like just toast. I think I’ll need to spend time researching options. I’ll write another post about it!
School Year Routines: Afterschool
Right now, the boys walk to my office and spend about 30 minutes with me before we go home. This time can be really stressful if they start fighting. I think what I want to do is start picking them up at their classrooms (bringing my laptop and some snacks for them with me). Then we would head to the school playground and they could play while I finish working. This won’t work once it gets colder, but this could be nice through November or so.
Actually, I could ask Matt to pack extra snacks for them in their lunches. Then they would have them with them already and I would only need to grab my laptop.
Back at Home
I really struggle once we get home because I am an introvert. Being around people all day is draining for me. So I work all day and then I’m responsible for the afternoon and dinner routine (since Matt does the morning).
I think I would like to just chill out when I get home. But our boys’ bickering makes it nearly impossible. We’ve avoided screen time during the weekdays for nearly 8 years, but I think it might be time to introduce it. Can I try out documentaries and see if that suffices?
After that, I would make dinner for 30 minutes while the boys play. For some reason, I don’t mind refereeing them when I’m cooking dinner. It’s more of a problem when I’m trying to relax.
After dinner, the boys would wash their plates and start to play. Matt and I could play cards together during this time or swim.
Then Matt would give them a shower/bath while I clean up the rest of the kitchen stuff. Then it would be time for homework: read aloud, read to us, spelling/handwriting. Matt and I could alternate doing this with each boy so they get some one-on-one time with each of us.
Then I could spend 10 minutes with Tate before lights out while Matt works with Henry on his multiplication facts.
Next, Matt or I could play with Henry for 20 minutes, lay with him for 10, and turn out the lights at 7:30pm. Then I could finish up any work stuff from 7:30-8pm and have free time from 8pm-10pm.
Sticking to Our Routines
Okay, I’m feeling like I want to set alarms on my phone to signal some of the key transition times. It will give my children something to talk about in therapy when they are older, for sure! I know that my need to put systems into place is related to the unpredictability of my childhood. But I’m having trouble dealing with the chaos of parenting. I don’t want our nights to feel like constant wrangling.
I want to set a timer to signal that there’s one more minute of playing time. Then I want to set an alarm when it’s time for me to start cuddling with Tate before bed, so his homework doesn’t bleed over into that time. Next, I want an alarm to signal that there’s one more minute for cuddling before lights out at 7pm.
Next, I want an alarm to signal that it’s time to start cuddling with Henry. Finally, I would like an alarm to signal that’s there’s one more minute of cuddling before lights out at 7:30pm.
All of this sounds crazy, even as I type it. But for me, I think these scaffolds/supports are what I need to fully relax and be more present with my children. I won’t be thinking in my head, “When is this going to be over? When can I move on to something else? When is my free time going to start?”
This schedule sounds great to me, and the amount of time allocated to each thing sounds right. With the gentle alarms set (none of them would be jarring sounds), my hope is that I would fully let go and enjoy the time that we have together.
I’ll talk to Matt and the boys and see how this sounds to them! This would only be our routine Sunday through Thursday. Also, I would randomly schedule a “Throw out the routine” day once a month for fun! (I know it’s counter-intuitive to schedule a spontaneous day, but I wouldn’t tell the boys that I’m scheduling it ahead of time.)
Final Thoughts About Our School Year Routines
I want to make sure that my boys have quality books that they are reading to us and we are reading to them.
I’m going to ask Matt to make sure breakfast dishes are completely cleaned up before I get home. Then I will try to clean up as much as possible while I cook. That way, there might be a little time to do a general sweep of the house while Matt is giving the boys a bath.
I want to continue to give the boys massages sometimes during our cuddle time. This cream is my favorite.
3 Comments
Kirstie
An interesting and timely post for me.
What do you think about teaching your children flexibility and empathy within the structure of a routine like this? I ask because my children (5 and 6) have had the same routine since they were about 6 months of milk, stories and snuggles on the sofa then straight into bed with a kiss and a goodnight. Sometimes we play a board game before this and recently I’ve got them used to the idea that some nights, if we’ve been out late etc, then there isn’t time for story. Now they’ve picked up a ritual from cousins of me singing a song with them in their rooms before lights out. I’ve tried explaining that I won’t have time for this every night (I work, husband is absent at a lot of bedtimes and I have a younger child too!) but it makes me feel like a terrible mother if I don’t want to make time for this tiny ritual. Setting alarms to me feels like an overly structured move, but I can understand the need to move on to “you” time, or even just time to do some laundry or other chores. I feel that my children should be able to reflect and realise that they get quality time with me every evening so perhaps it’s not so important if they miss out on a song every so often.
How are you’re boys with being flexible with their routine, or perhaps that is a bit of an oxymoron? Do you encourage flexibility or do you rely on a rigid structure?
Sara Cotner
I feel like I’m the worst person to give advice, Kirstie! I have trauma from my own childhood that impacts how I am as an adult and how I parent.
If we are out late and the nighttime routine is condensed/eliminated, I just try to explain what’s happening ahead of time–ideally while they are still in the fun parts of the night! They still inevitably complain, and I just try to empathize: “I know it’s disappointing. We don’t always get what we want in life. I’m sorry you’re feeling sad.”
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