How to Talk to White Boys about Our Racist Country

In the span of one week I’m supposed to figure out how to talk to white boys about two mass shootings? Then a factory immigration raid that left children stranded without their parents?

How do I talk to my white boys about racism in a way that:

1. doesn’t make them feel bad about themselves (shame does not lead to good outcomes)
2. doesn’t bring undue anxiety into their lives
3. helps them understand the unfairness of white privilege and the abhorrence of white supremacy in a way that makes them lifelong advocates against these things?

I barely have time to hold my own life together between a more-than-full-time job and trying to be a present parent. Additionally, one of my children is dealing with issues that require a lot of attention and time.

And yet we must fit this in. White people have the privilege of choosing to fit it in or not. We cannot and should not exercise the privilege to opt out.

How to Talk to White Boys: Mass Shootings

So how do we talk about it? First, I took Henry (8 years-old) with me to a vigil for the mass shooting victims. My explanation on the way there went something like this: “A white man from Dallas has been listening to everything that Donald Trump is saying about how bad black and brown people are. He decided to drive to El Paso, which is a city very close to the border of Mexico. The man walked into a Wal-Mart and started shooting as many Latinx people as he could. He had the kind of gun they use in the military. Therefore, he was able to shoot very quickly and didn’t have to stop to reload. It is so scary, sad, and unfair that this happened. We are going to go to a vigil. We want to show people that we are sad and mad and believe that all humans are equal, no matter what color their skin is. This happened very far away from us [TRUE], so you don’t need to worry about this happening to you [FALSE].”

Henry understandably had lots of questions. I tried to answer as matter-of-factly as possible. Our conversation veered into a discussion about the mass shooting in New Zealand. Next, I explained that the government there was able to change their gun laws in six days so that regular citizens didn’t have access to military guns. I explained that our government isn’t moving quickly to do the same thing.

How to Talk to White Boys: Immigration Raid

And then a couple days later I was trying to figure out how to talk about the raid in Mississippi. It was Saturday morning and the boys climbed into bed with me. I grabbed one of our social justice books from the library and read ¡Si, Se Puede! I talked about how sad I would be if I had to work all through the night and then on the weekend and still didn’t have enough money for my family. We processed other parts of the story.

Then I segued into a discussion about the raid. It went something like this: “You know what, guys? This week, something really sad happened. The government raided a factory in Mississippi and arrested people who were from other countries but didn’t have the proper paperwork to be here. Their children were at school. When the children got home, their parents weren’t there. Their parents were just trying to have the best life they could, just like we do. They were working all day every day trying to make a better life for their family. They were escaping from the country they were born in because they didn’t feel safe there or because they couldn’t make enough money to take care of their family. The thing I can’t understand about Trump’s belief about immigrants is that any white person in the United States of America is an immigrant. We immigrated from other countries because we wanted to make a better life for ourselves. Trump is an immigrant. His wife is an immigrant.”

I have no idea how to talk to white boys about what’s going on right now. I’m just trying to do something! Any and all feedback is welcomed!

In conclusion, my boys seem to be understanding. They also seem to be developing a sense that the world is unjust and that they should do something about it. They say things about how people don’t choose their skin color. Tate talks about how he wishes he were Black. Henry talks about how his best friends are People of Color.