Purposeful Parenthood

Habits for a Healthier Family: What I’m Trying

January 25, 2021 / 6 Comments
habits for a healthier family

I’ve been listening to real estate investing podcasts lately. (This one is my favorite, although this episode from a different podcast is awesome). I’m attempting to figure out how to make more money so I can send my children to college debt-free. (As a side note, we may have to send Henry to a private school for middle and high school because of the severity of his learning differences. We need to be saving for that, too.) (As another side note, I hate that I have to become even more of a capitalist to ensure quality education for my children.) Bear with me as I make the link from real estate investing to habits for a healthier family!

In the awesome episode referenced above, one of the hosts talked about an idea that resonated with me. He said that if you want to get better outcomes in an area of your life, you likely have to raise your standards.

And the area where I really want to get better outcomes is in my parenting, my family, and my relationship with my children. So I’m thinking about how to raise my standards.

Later in the episode, he talked about how important it is to track your goals on a daily basis. Tracking really helps our brains keep important things front and center.

Putting those two concepts together has left me thinking about this question:

What are the things I want to track on a daily basis to improve the outcomes we are seeing in our family?

Habits for a Healthier Family

  1. Eating dinner together nearly every night (we do this one really well, so I don’t feel like I actually need to track it)
  2. Staying calm when angry/frustrated—absolutely no yelling
  3. Related to the one above, I don’t want to have big reactions to small problems
  4. Making sure the kids get enough protein (this article was an important reminder)
  5. Make sure the kids get sufficient playdates with friends
  6. Be present with my children when it’s my time to be with them
  7. Write a note to Henry each night about what I enjoyed about him that day
  8. Making sure 5 positive things come out of my mouth for every critical or “constructive” thing that comes out

That last one makes me want to have a plan for how to truly fit in time for each boy. Tate wakes up about 15-20 minutes before Henry, so that’s prime time to lean in and be present with him. Then I have time with him to work on distance learning work during my lunch break. Matt and I alternate each night who puts him to bed. When it’s not my night, I should take the lead on giving him a bath.

For Henry, I really only have time at night. On my night with him, I should give him my full attention from the time Tate goes to bed until the time Henry goes to bed. When it’s not my night to fall asleep with him, I should still try to finish early with Tate to spend a little time with Henry before bed and then at least 10 minutes tucking him in and talking with him.

6 Comments

  • mamaschlick

    January 25, 2021 at 5:24 am Reply

    The positive comment thing is much easier when one reframes the way they view their child. It works great when we really see the beauty in our children and actively look for it, not so much when we just compliment behaviors or actions. It is a game changer once that framing is really second nature, but it takes a while, especially with “differently wired” kids. Have you listened to Dr. Becky Bailey? I think her approach will definitely resonate with you since it is based on the idea of releasing your own trauma before “dealing” with your children. It is a very moving podcast, I highly recommend it. Let me know what you think!

    https://tiltparenting.com/2020/02/11/episode-195-author-and-educator-dr-becky-bailey-on-her-conscious-discipline-methodology/

  • Olivia

    January 25, 2021 at 4:18 pm Reply

    I really need to work on being more present when I’m with my kids, too.

    Also, not exactly germane to this post, but thinking about some of your parenting reflections lately. Mine are much younger (almost 4yo and 18mo), but I’ve started doing two new-to-me things with my 4yo when I’m feeling really frustrated and low on patience. Maybe versions would be useful for you, too?

    1. When we need to get out the door or it’s time for bed and she’s putting her clothes on backwards on purpose or hiding under the couch, I’ve started to say, “I know that to you this feels like silly fun games. But we need to XYZ right now so we don’t have to rush. If you want time to be extra silly, we need to start much, much earlier. Do you want to do that tomorrow?” It helps me remember that she’s a kid and saves me from yelling, “JUST PUT ON YOUR BOOTS SO WE CAN GO!” I think it also helps her feel validated that she’s not being a bad kid — she’s just trying to be silly.

    2. Usually at night when we’re all running on fumes, if I’m about to snap I’ll say, “Hey. Can I tell you three things I really love about you?” It interrupts the power struggle, helps me tap into things I do really love about her, and again helps her feel seen. Sometimes she even responds in kind! This is a parenting version of some of the best relationship advice I’ve gotten: Love is a verb, and when you don’t like your partner [or kid!] you need to love your way through it.

    • Sara Cotner

      January 31, 2021 at 2:44 am Reply

      Thanks so much for sharing, Karla! My aunt recommended that book several years ago but I never picked it up. I’ll have to check it out now!

  • Katie K.

    February 7, 2021 at 5:33 pm Reply

    The “no yelling” thing feels kinda cultural. White Americans are not yellers I get that. But I am Greek and my partner is Colombian and our very happy, very functional families yell– a lot.

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