Losing a Child: Potentially Helpful Books for Families

On most days, I experience a range of emotions. I will have moments of immense gratitude for my life. Then, I will experience irritation about something—more irritation than is actually warranted. Sometimes I step back and wonder, “How can I possibly feel anything but overwhelming gratitude for every second that I get to live on this Earth with my children and my partner?” I try to remember that it can all change in an instant—that losing a child is something that many families go through. What is the point of feeling irritation when there’s so much to be thankful for?

My heart breaks for several families I know who have experienced losing a child. I have friends who had a stillbirth. One of my colleague’s sons got sick and died unexpectedly when he was a preschooler. Other friends of ours lost their baby right after birth. One of my family members lost one of her twins at birth and then lost the other one when she was a teenager.

Books to Support Families Who Are Experiencing Losing a Child

I’ve been researching potentially helpful books about losing a child and wanted to share them in case they are useful to you or anyone else in your life:

An Anthology

• A Broken Heart Still Beats: (4.5 out of 5 starts, 45 reviews) “While nothing can mute the pain of such a life-shattering loss, others who know this experience can help those suffering articulate the chaos of their feelings and see that they can, eventually, feel whole again. Organized by a journalist and a psychotherapist, each of whom has lost a child, A Broken Heart Still Beats is a remarkable compilation of poetry, fiction, and essays about the pain, stages of grief, and the coping and healing process that follows the death of one’s child.” Note, the authors are not religious, so the couple of people who did not like this book mainly noted that they wanted more talk of reuniting with their children in heaven. There were also a couple of reviews about how reading this book felt like wallowing in others’ misery versus moving forward with your life.

Stories & Activities

• The Unspeakable Loss: (5 out of 5 stars, 62 reviews) “Nisha Zenoff lost her son in a tragic accident when he was just seventeen years old. Now, with decades of experience as a grief counselor and psychotherapist, she offers support and guidance from her own journey and from others who have experienced the death of a child. The Unspeakable Loss helps those who mourn to face the urgent questions that accompany loss: ‘Will my tears ever stop?’ ‘Who am I now without my child?’ ‘How can I help my other children cope?’ ‘I lost my only child, how do I live?’ ‘Will my marriage survive?’ ‘Will life ever feel worth living again?'”
• Shattered: (4.8 out of 5 stars, 155 reviews) “Bestselling author, hospice chaplain, and grief specialist Gary Roe uses his three decades of experience interacting with grieving parents to give us this heartfelt, easy-to-read, and intensely practical book. In Shattered, Roe walks the reader through the powerful impact a child’s death can have – emotionally, mentally, physically, relationally, and spiritually.” The couple of critiques of this book thought it was too simple and obvious that the author hadn’t been through this level of grief himself. However, most of the reviews were overwhelmingly positive and appreciated that this book could be consumed in bite-sized chunks.

In Conclusion: Losing a Child

Through all of my research, I am reminded that we are all different. Grief and healing do not look the same from person to person. What one person finds comforting after losing a child can actually be offensive to another person.

In the future, I will probably buy all of these books for grieving friends. That way, they have more choice about what might bring them some solace. I’m also reminded that grief often lasts longer than sympathy and so it’s not too late to send these books to friends now.