How to Be a Better Parent: I’m Trying My Best!

I’m conscious of how the blogosphere is increasing Modern Parenting Anxiety and turning parenting into a project. Therefore, I don’t mean to contribute to those negative things, you all. But I am constantly grappling with how to be a better parent. And this is the space where I share all my feelings and thoughts. So here we are.

Last week was a week of extremes in our household. Henry had his two worst nights in a long time—back to back. And then he had his two best nights, also back to back.

The difference?

Me.

What Henry Needs from Me

I’m learning what Henry needs from me. He needs me to understand that he often isn’t doing things on purpose. When he puts his sausage-greasy hands on the back window of my car? He’s honestly just stretching. When he drops a piece of cactus on your leg? He just wanted to show you how cool it looks and his hand slipped. Either he doesn’t notice these things or already feels bad about his accidental mistakes. No additional reaction is necessary from me.

He needs me to work less and be more present in the moment. It’s important for him to feel like he is more important to me than my work (and he knows my work means a lot to me).

He needs me to really listen to what he’s telling me, what he likes, and who he is. He’s craving more get togethers with his friends. He really wants to play video games. He really likes to watch movies that feel beyond his age. I need to find him interesting and engaging when he talks about his favorite Pokemon characters and all their evolutions. He needs me to say yes as much as I can without compromising his safety or his health. And, honestly, very few things are safety or health issues.

He needs me to remember—every single day—that he is making me a better person. I am learning how to live in the moment, how to have more patience, how to calm myself down, and how to be more selfless.

He needs redirection and reminders to feel playful, gentle, and kind. It’s critical for him to feel unconditional positive regard from me.

He needs me to keep working on my past trauma so that I reduce how much of it gets passed on to him.

I’m going to see if I can journal about how we’re doing on a regular basis. I think it will help me look for patterns.