Showing Up as a Mother: What I’m Thinking About

I’ve been reflecting a lot these past several months. I’m coming to the realization that my job has crowded out my ability to truly “show up” as a mother for the past nine or so years.

And I’m not sure that I was truly aware that it was. I think I was fighting like hell to “have it all.” I am so passionate about educational equity and social justice through education. I see all the problems around us in the world and think, “We can solve so many of these issues if we nurture our children differently in schools.”

The Illusion of Showing Up as a Mother

There was so much in my family’s life that gave me the illusion of “showing up” for my family. We ate dinner together nearly every night. I was usually around for bed time. We went on incredible vacations and danced together a lot.

But, if I’m being completely honest with myself, my mind was often someplace else—typically focused on my work. I was there in body, but not mind or spirit.

I don’t regret giving so much of my heart and soul to helping launch Austin’s first free public Montessori school and a national non-profit organization that develops tools and resources and training to support more educators to build transformational schools across the country.

But I am currently overcome with the feeling of wanting to make up for lost time. Henry has 7 more years under our roof. Tate is about to hit the halfway mark when he turns 9 this July. And I want to be truly present for the experience—not just in body—but in mind and soul, too.

In a recent podcast episode, Katherine and I talked about what we want to focus on in the area of self-development. I talked about how I was trying to be more conscious of picking a topic and reading at least three books on it before “pinging” to the next thing. I said that I want to focus on parenting adolescents. I’m realizing, however, that first I just need to go back to the basics of parenting.

The first book I started with was called, The Power of Showing Up. Now I’m listening to The Awakened Family. Both books are putting me on a different path of parenting—a deeper, more profound one.

But rather than beat myself up about the past 9 years, I’m choosing to face forward and make changes now. I was doing my very best at the time. And I am constantly reflecting and adjusting. It’s not worth flooding myself with negative emotions about it. Instead I choose to feel gratitude that I’m coming to this realization while there’s still time.