Family Gap Year Post #17: 5,000-Mile Road Trip—Our Family Dynamic (June, Part 2)
Today I’m going to reflect on what our Family Dynamic was like during our 5,000-mile+ road trip. Spending more time together (and hopefully growing closer) as a family is one of the primary reasons we wanted to go on a Family Gap Year.
Family Dynamic
Highs
I’m so glad I wrangled my job into a sensible place (it took a decade!) and put together this trip for our family. I think it’s so, so good for us (even on the hard days).
We are now a family that reads aloud together. I know most of you have been doing this the whole time! I actually hated reading aloud for the first half of their childhoods, so we did more audiobooks. Now we do both and I love it.
I took Henry and Tate to a local bookstore before we left, and Henry picked out the book An Occasionally Happy Family. It’s about a family from Austin that travels to Big Bend, so we can relate to a lot of it!
We’ve also continued our Family Movie Nights, which are so, so fun. We have had time to play a lot more games together, too. We’ve been playing chess, checkers, this logic game, and this logic game.
And one of my high highs was boogie boarding with my boys in Santa Monica Beach. I don’t often give myself over to fully-immersed play. It was really liberating, and they appreciated it so much. And the water wasn’t even cold!
Lows
Just as we have had high highs this month, we have also had low lows. There were times when I didn’t think we were going to make it through a whole year on the road. I considered going back and enrolling boys in school this fall.
Our life had finally gotten into a sweet spot right before we left. Our life seemed to be returning to normal after COVID. Plus, dropping down to one full-time parent was really helping us meet our children’s needs.
So several times this month, I stopped and asked myself, “Why did I pull the rug out from underneath us?”
The boys have expressed a lot of anger about being on the trip. And it kills me! I worked so hard to make this trip happen. I wish they expressed more regular and outward gratitude.
Instead, I have to focus on their smiles throughout the day. They really do seem to be enjoying themselves (most of the time) regardless of what they say.
I think part of the difficulty comes from the fact that they are experiencing a lot more sibling jealousy now that they spend so much time together. They both feel like we love the other one more.
In the rough moments, it’s really rough!
But at least I’m not wanting to turn around and go home!
Stay tuned for next week’s post when I talk about Lodging & Food. In the meantime, you can see daily update on Instagram or weekly updates in my newsletter!
9 Comments
Mamaschlick
Sara! I am so happy for you. Even if it was a total fail, you should congratulate yourself for trying- most people don’t have the guts!!!
How did you get to reading aloud with the family? I think your routines are wonderful. We have some in our family but we tend to be inconsistent. We are on a month long trip to Israel and we haven’t done as many games or movies. Mostly screen time but I think the inconsistency is hard for my kid. Even at home, we have trouble doing movie night because we are out doing other things and don’t make it in time early enough. 😒
So glad you’re living your dream! And by dream it doesn’t have to be perfect. Hugs to all!
Sara Cotner
It’s great to hear from you, Mamaschlick! I started reading aloud to my boys again by taking them to the bookstore. I let them pick out a family read aloud (they picked An Occasionally Happy Family). I keep it in my backpack at all times and pull it out when there’s down time (like waiting for the ferry or waiting at the airport terminal). My kids will pick screen time over the book nearly every time, so I offer it at a time when they aren’t allowed to be on their screens. We picked out our next book while we were in the Alcatraz gift shop (it’s a non-fiction book). As with movie nights, I don’t think it really matters which night it is. Maybe look ahead at your week each week and pick a night that makes the most sense? Wishing you an awesome trip!
Heather
You are doing great! I’ve been following your trip on Instagram and appreciate how you share the highs and the lows. I hope you enjoy the slower pace of this leg of the journey!
Mamaschlick
Sounds great!
I’m looking forward to hearing how things go for you once you go international. I’ve been able to have more routine when in USA but this trip is harder. The language and challenges of just finding food, getting places etc creates a lot less structure and this routines have been much harder to maintain. We’ve all also been going to bed much later. Tonight we left for dinner at 7 but after several different routes and expectations, we didn’t get home til 10:30pm! Still an awesome time but much more challenging and easier to have triggers and dysregulation as a result. The experience is incredible though. Looking forward to continued updates from you which I love!! So so happy for you guys.
Sara Cotner
Everything you are saying makes sense! I think I’m the most nervous about the stretch of time (starting in mid-October) when we move from the west side of Malaysia to the east side of Malaysia to Singapore to Indonesia to Melbourne to Sydney to Brisbane and to the hinterlands of Australia in pretty rapid succession. And then we move into another month-long road trip through the South Island of New Zealand.
Have you listened to the Simple Families the Podcast episode about “Traveling Different”? It’s with the author of Traveling Different: Vacation Strategies for Parents of the Anxious, the Inflexible, and the Neurodiverse.
Mamaschlick
Well I will be able to give you tips from what I’ve learned and messed up!! Here though, it is the heat that is hard. Not sure how hot it is in Hawaii but here it’s 95-100 degrees every day and only goes down to 86 in evening…makes it very difficult for us and our son.
Sara Cotner
That would be a super-challenging situation, for sure. We have been in cool to mildly warm climates this summer, thankfully.
Mamaschlick
Sara-how do you deal with temper tantrums when you yourself are at your limit and exhausted? That’s been hard…and I have not handled it in ways I am proud. 😔
Sara Cotner
It’s usually a tag-team situation! I usually have to tag out and ask Matt to handle the situation—especially if it’s at the very end of the night when my eyes are literally closing. But neither of us is great at it!